Dating Post Covid-19
In a post Covid world — pickpocketing will get harder and its prevalence decrease. Unless of course, you’re Mister Tickle. I also hope to see clown trousers emerge at NYFW — the handy internal hoop serving to increase the wearer’s circumference.
With an epidemic of such proportions that has no doubt devastatingly taken the life of someone we know, it would be naive to think our behaviours and trends are not set to change. Hygiene will be lodged in our collective consciousness.
We have listened hastily to the government’s advice regarding social distancing — passing each other with a wide berth. Queue jumping has disappeared, the clearly marked gaps between waiting shoppers would shine a gobo strength spotlight on the perpetrator prompting the most disdainful insults projected from a safe 2m distance.
When it comes to our own personal health and safety — we will more than happily play by the rules. And in all likelihood we will continue to play by them, as well as our own concoction of superstitions post covid. Mad cow disease successfully wiped trifle off as a dinner party staple and we continue to bless each other post sneezing.
In 1912, increased awareness of diseases being linked to poor hygiene led to the advent of downstairs toilets so that guests and delivery people had a more convenient and less obtrusive location to wash their hands.
I wonder whether we’ll upgrade our home front doors for automatic ones, or whether we’ll enter pubs and bars via a sanitiser mist.
However I really wonder what this means for romantic relationships. More than 50% of people aged between 18–34 are single in the UK and fewer couples than ever are cohabiting. Physical contact must be at an all time low whilst our options for constant digital contact couldn’t be more plentiful. For many for whom there is little going on besides Netflix and learning tik-tok dances, I find it hard to imagine what can sustain conversations with strangers or non-cohabiting partners. At what point in the day does it just become a string of emojis? Personally I would have to swap ad hoc WhatsApps for a single phone call for a stockpiled dose of my daily musings.
Match — the company behind online dating giants Tinder and OkCupid — has seen stocks tumble 25%. With face-to-face meetups off limits for the foreseeable, the banterous back and forth of texting quickly becomes tiresome. Other apps have responded by pushing video chat options. Emotional connections can be fostered far more successfully via video and have seen engagement (digital not proposal) increase as a result. Elsewhere, many are citing “zoom hangovers” in which back to back virtual interactions at work, followed by an evening of them is draining and no match for the energy you feel after having seen someone IRL.
That said, when the lockdown is lifted I don’t think we’ll replace our digital lethargy with a dating frenzy. We will satiate the crave to see people face-to-face with people we know and trust. For those outside of our inner circle we may greet with a bit more caution — literally at arms (x2) length.
In a more hygiene sceptical world the barrier to trust will take on a different form and emotional connections will be the minimum requirement prior to entry of the 2m radius. A kiss could become the new facebook official whilst holding hands in public becomes the new “I love you”.
There would of course be an alternative underground version, spearheaded by those who have suffered the lockdown in close proximity with spareroom.com housemates. Even meaningless hookups might get a rebrand with sex-tech enabling less physically intimate exchanges.
In my version of events I can imagine timid teens wandering up to doorsteps, knocking and taking a step back only to be greeted by a severe looking parent before asking if [insert name] is home. More courtship and more meaningful connections.
It’s a romantic image — one of Richard Curtis proportions. Or perhaps wishful thinking on my part in preparation for my nieces’ teenage years.
